Photo: © 2009 Jupiterimages Corporation

If you want to live happily ever after in love, you have to learn how to be good during bad times and not act like a jerk during a fight. Here’s how…

I can sum up in three “acts” the breakdowns and breakups of most relationships since the beginning of time:

Act 1: You hurt me.
Act 2: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you.
Act 3: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you and so you hurt me again and so I hurt you—and downward spiraling we shall go.

John Gottman, the famed founder of The Love Lab (a family research laboratory where where couples are studied), says he can consistently predict how long a relationship will last, not based on how well a couple gets along, but by how well a couple doesn’t get along. A relationship is only as strong as how well the two can deal with their weakest moments and how well they handle conflict.
Gottman’s 3 Conflict Strategies:

5 Ways to Not Be a Jerk during Your Next Fight

If you’ve been fighting with your sweetie lately, here are some “high-integrity” methods for conflict resolution:

1. Pick the right time and the right place. Do you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time? Can you talk openly, not self-consciously? In general, the best place to talk is alone in your home, where you can sit facing each other, with good, strong eye contact.

2. Avoid harsh start-ups. Gottman says he can predict 96 percent of the time how a conversation will end based on its first three minutes. Do not start out blaming or calling your partner bad names. Your partner will spend more time defending himself than attending to your needs and feelings. Try beginning with a compliment about what you appreciate about your partner. Also, include a reminder about how you really want to work on your relationship, so it succeeds and you both can grow together. Begin by calmly explaining how the conflict affects you—your feelings, values, dreams and goals. Recognize that eventually most fights do not stay about the fight’s topic, but rather the “way” people choose to fight.

3. Instead of trying to win arguments, try to have a winning relationship! How? Try talking in “I” sentences instead of “you” sentences—speak more about how you feel. (And “I feel you are a jerk!” is not an example of an “I” statement!) Your goal is to get your partner to empathize, so forget about details and facts. Keep staying with your feelings, values, dreams and goals. From this place of empathy, your partner will better hear you and, therefore, want to find a way to take care of your needs and feelings. If the conversation escalates, be sure to tell your partner that you recognize your truth is not necessarily the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Be ready to be convinced out of your anger and misery. As Stephen Covey brilliantly stated in his fabulous book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to understand—then to be understood!”

4. Put in the “virtue of discipline” to calm yourself before you begin talking. Although studies show that yelling is better than stonewalling, yelling has its share of problems. When people yell, they get themselves even angrier. Interesting factoid: If you and/or your partner’s heartbeat gets higher than 100 beats per minute during an argument, you will not be able to fully understand or process what the other person is saying. When you’re angry, your brain’s processing becomes blocked, and it’s literally more difficult to solve problems and express yourself clearly. Plus—duh—you’re more likely to foolishly inflame the situation with insults and petty meanness. As Marcus Aurelius said, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger, than the causes of it?”

5. Close a difficult conversation by sharing memories of good times and/or your partner’s good qualities. Jump-start loving memories, and defuse bad ones. If it’s been a while since you’ve felt that lusty feeling, you can jump-start this phase anew by going back to those first few romantic courtship places. Chances are you’ll experience déjà romance all over again.

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Seduction tips from famous enchanting woman

(OPRAH.com) — Lust, love and like. A healthful, happy love relationship serves up three out of three. A healthful, happy love relationship is a passionate best friendship.

Modern women could learn a few things about love and seduction from Scheherazade.

Many women think men only care about the lust angle — finding a hot bod for hot sex. Unfortunately, there are many men who do only care about this.

In my book “Prince Harming Syndrome,” I explain how relationships that are too focused on sex wind up being what my favorite philosopher buddy Aristotle called a relationship of pleasure — where you find a sex-mate or a relationship of utility — where you find an ego-mate or wallet-mate.

However, a healthful, happy love relationship is what Aristotle calls a relationship of shared virtue — when you find a soul mate. Where you each get one another at your core, inspire and support each other to grow into your best possible selves. A relationship of shared virtue is where you feel the whole triumvirate: lust, love and like.

Meaning? If you want to fully seduce a man, then you’ve got to know how to grab a man by more than his you-know-what. You must truly turn on a man’s soul! Oprah.com: 5 things that make you sexy

If you sleep with a man before you feel safe knowing you connect on a soul-to-soul level, the relationship might start off hot — but like steam into air, it will rise quickly then — pfffft — vanish into vapor. Or worse, you’ll wind up getting burnt.

This is so important to prioritize, that I’m repeating this reminder in bold italic letters: If you can’t stimulate a man in more areas than from the waist down, you will only be attracting a relationship of pleasure or a relationship of utility. And this man will not remain your man for long.

One of my favorite quotes about love comes from the book “The Little Prince”: “It’s only with the heart that one can see rightly; what’s most important is invisible to the eye.”

I love that the Little Prince recognized that the heart (another metaphysical word for soul) is the best lens for love — making this Little Prince a major Prince Charming.

Seduction Tip 1 (in bold italics so you recognize it is crucial to remember): If you want to be a man’s Princess Charming, you MUST do more than work on tightening your buns or boosting up your boobs! You MUST tap into what I call “The Scheherazade Effect.” Oprah.com: What to do before you can find love

Remember the tale of Scheherazade and her 1,001 nights? Scheherazade was absolutely a Princess Charming who knew how to grab and stimulate her king’s soul. Voilà! The CliffsNotes on Scheherazade:

There once was a king who got very bored with the women in his life very quickly. He would marry a new virgin, “shtup” her, then send her pretty self away pretty much immediately… to be beheaded.

Talk about a bad breakup, huh? And talk about a King Harming, huh?

Anyway, this king killed thousands of women by the time he finally met the enchantingly different Scheherazade. What made Scheherazade enchantingly different? Scheherazade loved to read books and had lots of fascinating ideas and interests to share.

Wisely educated in morality and kindness, she had a passion for poetry, philosophy, sciences and arts. She kept the king on the edge of his bed — not with mere alluring sexual positions — but with alluring stories to be told, each more exciting than the next.

And so the king kept Scheherazade alive — eagerly anticipating each new tale — until, lo and behold, 1,001 adventurous nights passed — along with three sons — and the king not only learned to love Scheherazade, but he made her his queen. Talk about living happily ever after, huh?

The lesson learned? It’s very seductive to a man when you, as a full-bodied and full souled woman, have passions in your life you can share to keep him inspired, titillated, growing and thriving.

Seduction Tip 2 (again in bold italics so you recognize it is crucial to remember): The more passions you have in your life, the more passion your man will have for you! Oprah.com: 4 steps to finding your passion

My friend David told me he fell in love with his wonderful wife of 13 years because he adored her “world lens” — all the interesting perspectives she shared about life, all her passionate insights and enthusiastic talents.

David’s idea of love is being turned on by how his paramour looked at the world, instead of simply focusing on how she looked to the world. Which is why David is a 3-D Prince Charming who’s found his Scheherazade.

Unfortunately, I believe too many women feel that the best way to catch a guy is with the bait of their (to word it politely) “vajayjay.” But if that is the main lure for love, then why aren’t little “vajayjay icons” found on Valentine’s Day cards?

I’m kidding — but I am serious! If you sleep with a man too soon, you risk being dizzied by an “oxytocin high,” and you will not know until you’re already emotionally entrenched if the two of you have a true soul-nurturing connection.

Plus, even in this modern world, you also risk the man respecting you less if you give sex away too quickly. It’s timeless psychology. The harder you are to win, the bigger your estimated prize value. Many men do not want to belong to a club that has touched their members too quickly. It’s the ol’ Dr. Ejaculate/Mr. Hide Syndrome. As soon as the man comes, he’ll want to go.

Seduction Tip 3 (back to bold italics one last time for good measure): If you ever wanna hear “I do,” you have to start off saying a lot of sexual “I don’ts.”

For this reason, I recommend to the women I coach that they do not drink alcohol on dates. Staying alcohol-free will help ensure you clearly “hear” who a guy is, not simply “see” who he is. You don’t want to be hypnotized by superficial qualities, like his looks and wealth. Plus, being alcohol-free will help make sure you don’t move too swiftly forward physically (a.k.a. it will ensure you keep your vajayjay in your skirt!).

Meaning? My overall big seduction tip for luring in healthful, happy relationship is to STOP trying to be seductive! If you focus too much on seducing a man with your body and beauty, you will only be luring in a man with your body and beauty. If you want to wisely be in a lust, love and like relationship of shared virtue, it’s far more important that you excite a man’s soul. Oprah.com: How to get lucky in love and life

An hour without power

People around the world are switching off their lights during Earth Hour 2009 on March 28. The movement hopes to draw attention to global warming.

Could you spend an hour without electricity? What would you do during that time?

You don’t need to pick a china pattern- if you let your guests know your true desires, you may get exactly what you want. If you’re are outdoor adventurers, REI and EMS have in store registries in many states and online as well. Great gift ideas - coupled sleeping bags that zip together to make one big snugly blanket or mountain bikes for a weekend get away.

If you are interested in one big gift such as a vacation trip or kitchen renovation, ask a friend to be a gift coordinator. Pass along her information to people who may be interested to chip in. Know that the more expensive the idea, the more likely you may have to add in some money yourself to get the final gift.

Do not be afraid to put down some of your wedding costs as gift ideas. For example, I have taken payments from guests to help pay for the wedding cake. Many of you have been living together for awhile and don’t need or want the typical “Bed, Bath and Beyond” wedding registry. I am more than happy to take payments from other sources. As long as I am paid in full by 2 weeks prior to the wedding, I think it’s a wonderful idea to have guest participate in the finances of the cake. You don’t get a gift you don’t want/need and they get to see your reaction to the cake at the reception.

It has become very popular to have money donated to a  charity of your choosing. A very nice way to share some of the joy of the day.

WELCOME TO WINTERWEDDINGIDEAS.ORG

Helping You To Plan For The Winter Wedding Of Your Dreams…

An Introduction

Choosing the winter to tie the knot can be one of the biggest decision you make for your winter wedding planning. There is a growing trend of brides choosing autumn or winter weddings instead of summer weddings. Winter weddings can be very beautiful and intimate, and certainly will stand out from the many summer weddings that are held each year.

While there are some disadvantages to having a winter wedding, there are some significant advantages. If you want a wedding that will be beautiful and truly unique, there are lots of different winter themes for weddings that are unique and can only be held in the winter months that will make your wedding very personal and very special.

Women who like to do things differently may really like the different themes and style choices available for winter weddings that aren’t available for spring or summer weddings. When deciding whether or not a winter wedding is the right choice for you, talk over the advantages and disadvantages of having a winter wedding with your fiancée before deciding if this is right for you.

 The Advantages of a Winter Wedding

When thinking about whether or not to have a winter wedding, here are some of the many advantages to consider:

• You can save a lot of money.  By holding it in the winter you can save up to half the cost of a traditional summer wedding and get more for your money since winter is considered as “off wedding season”. 

• You can get exactly what you want.  It’s more likely that you will be able to get the hall, restaurant, church, or other location of your choice. But since not that many people get married in the winter, the same popular locations are usually available during the winter, sometimes at a reduced cost. 

• More of your loved ones may be able to attend. By holding your wedding in the winter it’s more likely that family and friends will have fewer social commitments and thus will be free to attend your wedding. 

• Winter weddings are different. Do you want your wedding to stand out and be memorable, a winter wedding can be a great way to do something new and different for your wedding. 

The Disadvantages of a Winter Wedding

While there are a lot of great reasons to have a winter wedding, there are, of course, some downsides to having a winter wedding that should be considered before definitely choosing to have winter wedding. There are ways to overcome these issues, but it’s up to you to decide if a winter wedding is right for her.

• The weather might not be what you expect. Obviously, in northern climates you’d expect it to be cold and snowy. Bad weather could mean that family and friends wouldn’t be able to make it to the ceremony. The weather might not be terrible – it usually isn’t; but it might be too mild, which can also ruin wedding plans. If you are envisioning a beautiful snowy landscape for your wedding, or arriving in a horse drawn sleigh, and there is no snow then your wedding plans could fall flat fast. 

• A winter wedding might cause holiday complications. While you might love the idea of a Christmas theme wedding full of red and green and gold and traditional Christmas elements, your family and friends might not want to spend Christmas Eve or Christmas Day at a wedding. Also, holidays are a prime travel time and it might be expensive and time consuming for friends and relatives who need to travel to make it to the wedding. 

These disadvantages can be easily overcome with proper planning and some creativity. With some handy winter wedding tips from this site, there is no stopping you from having a successful and romantic winter wedding of your dreams.

25 Wedding Favor Ideas
by Vanessa Kasal Kunze

Need wedding favor ideas - check out our list of 25 Wedding Favor Ideas! Many of these ideas are basic; you can then personalize them, such as wrapping the favor in tulle, placing it in glassine bags, or whatever else you can think of.

Has the thought of eloping gone through your head? Maybe you would rather put a down payment on a house or do some extensive traveling? (A wedding these days can run from $10,000 to $40,000) Eloping can be quick and painless- no walking down the isle. All you need is a blood test and marriage license.

Although there may be some who will disagree with your choice-usually family members, there are other things that you can do to make them happy. Have a party when you return from your honeymoon (the one you always wanted but would not be able to afford if you went with the “big wedding”.)

Your marriage is about making memories and sharing the union with those you love. Think outside of the box and make a list of what is most important to you and then share that list with your fiance. If the whole “white wedding” tops the list, then you may not be a candidate for an elopement. But if using a budget in a unique way that you will remember the rest of your marriage, start browsing the Internet and see how far you can go!

When working on discussing a color with your baker, words such as Latte, Butter Rum and Chocolate are flavors, not colors. I urge my brides to bring paint color swatche that they can pick up  from the local Sherwin Williams, Home Depot or any hardware store. I do not need a piece of the 1 inch bride’s maid dress swatch that they were given at the dress shop. Remember that sending your baker a color swatch online does not translate well. Every computer/printer reads and prints out colors differently. An important FYI if getting the exact color is of utmost importance.

PC Marys Style #8258 Retail: $995. Dress is Size 10, and unaltered.
Details: Magnificent Diamond white satin A-Line gown, with spaghetti straps; metallic re-embroidered lace appliques, beaded throughout, v-front, side pleated floor length gown with beautifully detailed scalloped edging. There is an exquisite detachable royal train.

The reason I am selling this dress is; I ordered it from the catalog without trying it on as the bridal salon did not have a sample to try on. They then ordered it 2sizes two big. By the time the dress came in, I lost weight and have continued to do so, so now the dress is even bigger and would require major alterations to fit properly. So I have decided to part with this dress and buy one that will fit me. I absolutely adore this dress, and anyone that sees it will as well. The pictures do not give the detail justice. I have tried this dress on twice, once at the shop where the pictures where taken and then at the seamstress. The dress comes with a matching satin wrap, and a matching bridal purse. I also have the matching veil, which is finger tip length- and absolutely gorgeous. It was $90. I also have a tiara, which was $65.

I paid $1,150 for everything, but I understand that I will need to sell it for half of that, which is fine- I just would rather see the dress make someone elses wedding spectacular. This dress is truly a stunning design creation.
It is flattering for all body types- and will make you look & feel like a princess.

Please email me with any questions. I am willing to drive as far as Manchester to deliver to a serious buyer. Otherwise I could also ship everything USPS, at buyers expense (approx$25 due to weight) I am also open to reasonable offers.

Contact me via email reply. Bonnie

Bonnie Lisa Baker

email: bonnielisabaker333@yahoo.com

Mobile# 603-707-1459

Hi Susan,

We enjoyed meeting with you so much a few weeks ago. A and C were so impressed with your presentation, as was I, and it was cemented when we dug into the sample cake that you had made for them. By the time we reached the main road, all of us had taken a few bites of the cake. I have never tasted such a delicious cake. It was moist and the frosting was a great consistency and not too sweet. from one caterer to another: if this cake is any indication of your talents, then your business must be blossoming. It was delicious! Thanks so much.

Looking forward to hearing from you and especially being able to taste the wedding cake next year! P