(Real Simple) — Lost your job? Turned white laundry pink? The right initial response can make all the difference in these 14 surprising situations.

When you return from a long vacation

First: Don’t rush. Rather than frantically unpacking on the night of your return, spend your first night back relaxing and letting loved ones know that you have arrived home safely. Nothing kills the calming effects of an extended break like hitting the ground running the minute you walk through your front door.

Then: Take a (planned) personal day, and use the free time to organize your home life: Unpack, pick up your pets from sitters or kennels, collect your mail, go to the market, and catch up on e-mail and phone calls. That way, when you return to work the next day, you’ll be fresh, organized, and productive.

When you’ve been fired

First: Apply right away for unemployment benefits. If this sounds obvious, it’s not. The average unemployed person spends just over four months out of work, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. And yet “only about 80 percent of those who qualify (for benefits) do file,” says Thomas Fuller, the communications director for the Oregon Department of Employment. “There’s no reason not to take advantage of those benefits, since your former employer’s tax dollars fund them, whether you use them or not.”

Then: Enlist legal services if you feel your dismissal involves discrimination or breach of contract, advises Pearl Zuchlewski, former chair of the New York State Bar Association Labor and Employment Law Section. But don’t threaten legal action before you’ve confirmed with a lawyer that your case has legs, and try not to burn bridges with your former employer. “Cases are settled without trial 99 percent of the time, and you don’t want to make it more difficult to come to a resolution,” Zuchlewski says. Real Simple: Manage your stress

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When you’ve witnessed a crime

First: Protect yourself. There’s a fine line between being a Good Samaritan and needlessly putting yourself at risk. You won’t be able to help the other person if you are in danger as well, so take yourself out of harm’s way before calling 911 for help.

Then: Spend a few seconds memorizing a clue, like a physical characteristic of the suspect or a license-plate number, says Elaine Cloyd, president of Crime Stoppers USA. “In a time of distress,” she says, “it’s difficult to remember too much. But you might remember at least one really specific detail that can turn out to be important.”

When you get bad medical news

First: Put away your car keys. Unless you want to risk turning a health threat into an injury, don’t try to drive while you’re distraught. Instead, “call someone to give you a ride or take a taxi,” advises Gordon Harper, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

Then: Take a deep breath and “think about what you’ve heard in as logical a fashion as you can,” says J. Edward Hill, M.D., a former president of the American Medical Association. “Ask your physician questions about how the diagnosis was made.” Get a second opinion, and study your health-plan coverage to help you make decisions about treatment.

Finally, think carefully about what information you want to share with others, advises Mary Jane Massie, an attending psychiatrist at the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, in New York City: “To not tell means you don’t get support. But to tell some people means you may be overwhelmed with phone calls you cannot answer or intrusive involvement from people you barely know.” Real Simple: Helping friends in need

When you find out you’re pregnant

First: Stop drinking and smoking and start taking prenatal multivitamins as soon as possible, says Linda Murray, author of “The BabyCenter Essential Guide to Pregnancy and Birth.” In most cases, when you realize you’re pregnant, you have been carrying the baby for a couple of weeks, so it’s important to get on the right track quickly.

Then: Call your health-insurance company, says Nihara K. Choudhri, the author of “Parent Savvy.” “Figure out what kind of coverage you have,” she says, “and find out details, like if you need to choose a network obstetrician or if you are limited to delivering in certain hospitals.” Next, decide what kind of health-care provider you’re going to use, whether it’s an obstetrician, a family-care physician, or a certified nurse-midwife. “And be sure to do your homework, because this person is going to have a major impact on your life for the next nine months,” adds Choudhri

When your computer gets a virus

First: Go off-line. If you suspect a virus has struck your computer — it suddenly starts working very slowly, crashes often, or seems to be doing something even when you aren’t — your first step should be to “disconnect your computer from your Internet provider to keep it from spreading,” says Silas Miller, president of Rent- A-Geek, in Burlington, Vermont.

Then: If you have antivirus software, such as Norton’s or MacAfee’s, run a scan immediately. If the software detects a virus, it will take action to get rid of the virus and notify you when it has. If you don’t have antivirus software (or if yours is out-of-date), call your computer’s manufacturer for phone-based assistance, says Gretchen Miller, director of product communications for Dell. And “if you have a second PC or a laptop, use the uninfected one to get advice from the manufacturer’s Web site on how to fix a virus,” she says. If all else fails, step away from the machine and call a pro.

When you come into money

First: Stash your cash. No, a first-class trip to Disneyland is not the best first response to a sudden influx of riches. Instead, immediately put the money in a low-risk interest-bearing account, such as a three-month treasury bill, a short-term tax-free bond, or a CD (certificate of deposit), advises Nick Childers, a vice president and senior financial adviser for Merrill Lynch in Beverly Hills. “It gives you a cooling-off period to just relax and think,” he says.

Then: Enlist a team of professionals, including a financial adviser, an attorney, and a certified public accountant (CPA), to help you figure out what you ultimately want to do with the money and to make sure you take the appropriate tax approach from the start. Get referrals from people you trust, and take your time interviewing each person. And never decide what to do with the money  even to donate to a good cause — until you speak with your team, says Donna VanCleave, interim executive director of the Virginia Lottery, one of the 12 Mega-Millions states. Then, if you still want to, take your family out to any theme park you’d like.

When you get engaged

First: Break open the good Champagne. But you knew that already. OK, so once you’ve both had a few glasses (and sobered up again), talk turkey. With a clear head, have a serious discussion about finances with your spouse-to-be, says Nihara Choudhri, the author of “What to Do Before I Do.”

Cover income and assets but, even more important, also debts and liabilities. Ask about credit-card debt, student-loan debt, any loans from friends and family, and mortgage debt. Know that “if your spouse has preexisting debt and you combine your assets, your own finances can be at risk,” she says.

Then: Consult a financial planner to help you develop a mutually agreeable strategy for merging your finances — or keeping them separate. (Or, if it delivers peace of mind, have a lawyer draw up a prenuptial agreement.) “Couples who postpone talking about money before the wedding pay heavily later,” says Chicago psychiatrist and couples specialist Dan Haycraft. Real Simple: Weddings planning guide

When your laundry turns pink

First: Separate the whites and rewash them, using a nonchlorine bleach or a cup of white vinegar. If you put the clothes in the dryer before this second wash, the heat will set the stains. “It’s always better to handle anything that has gone wrong while it’s still wet,” says Linda Cobb, host of the DIY Channel’s “Talking Dirty With the Queen of Clean.”

Then: Dry as usual. And next time, separate your loads. You might have washed that crimson shirt a dozen times with your husband’s tighty whities, but “just because a shirt didn’t run before, doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen in the future,” says Ilene Fudim, director of marketing for PWS–The Laundry Company, which runs laundry chains across the country.

When you get off a long flight

First: Resist the urge to snooze. “No matter where you are going, no matter what time you get there, stay up until midnight local time,” says Peter Greenberg, travel editor for NBC’s “The Today Show.” If you absolutely can’t keep your eyes open, it’s OK to take a short nap, says Dianne Tamuk, a flight attendant for United Airlines. Just make sure you don’t sleep for more than a couple of hours. And try to get into your normal routine as soon as possible. Get up when you usually do, and try to eat your meals, exercise, and go to bed at your regular times.

Then: Drink plenty of water to ward off kidney stones (which result from dehydration and are common among pilots and frequent fliers), urges pilot Tony Salmon, a first officer with Alaska Airlines. And, for the first day, “don’t eat anything with heavy sauces or anything that your body is going to have to work extra-hard to digest,” says Greenberg. Fruit, raw vegetables, and salads are all good choices.

When you are offered a job

First: Don’t say yes. Thank the potential employer (with enthusiasm!), and tell her you’ll get back to her within 24 hours, says David E. Perry, co-author of “Guerrilla Marketing for Job Hunters.”

Then: In your next conversation, clarify what your responsibilities will be and make sure they are commensurate with the salary and benefits package. If they aren’t, ask for more. “This is the time to bargain for things,” rather than once you’ve accepted the job, says Cynthia Shapiro, author of “Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know — and What to Do About Them.”

Begin by requesting perks, like an extra week of vacation time or a signing bonus. As Perry says, “it’s far easier to get extra benefits out of a company than to get a higher salary.” The salary itself should always be the last thing negotiated. And remember: Even if they say no, they’re not likely to withdraw the offer just because you asked.

When your pet runs away

First: “Call all shelters within a 60-mile radius of your home,” not just those nearest your home, says Stephanie Shain, director of outreach for the Humane Society of the United States. Between 600,000 and 750,000 cats and dogs are reclaimed by owners from shelters each year. You can also try your police department and local veterinarians.

Then: “Make a flyer with a current picture of your pet that shows details of its face and the proportions of its body,” says Kari Harendorf, an animal trainer and the host of Animal Planet’s K9 Karma. “Include its sex, age, color, and weight; the date and area the animal was last seen; and your phone number, and post the flyers everywhere — schools, community centers, even the pet-food aisle of your grocery store.”

When you’re in the woods

First: Stop and listen. You might hear people on other trails or the distant sound of a freeway, which can steer you toward civilization.

Then: Stay put if you don’t hear anything or can’t reach the source of the sound.

“Searchers work very methodically,” says Adrienne Freeman, a ranger at Yosemite National Park, in California. “So if you’re moving around, you might walk yourself back to an area that has already been searched and may not be searched again.”

If you are carrying a mirror or some other reflective item, use it to catch the sun — and the attention of helicopters and ground searchers. Or blow a whistle if you have one, but don’t waste too much energy shouting for help.

When you lose your wallet

First: Close any financial accounts — credit cards, bank or brokerage accounts — represented in your wallet, says Claudia Bourne Farrell, a spokesperson for the Federal Trade Commission. The longer you wait to report stolen credit or ATM cards, the more financial liability you will face if they are used fraudulently.

Then: Contact one of the three consumer-reporting agencies (Equifax, www.equifax.com; Experian, www.experian.com; and TransUnion, www.transunion.com) to have a fraud alert placed on your credit report. (Whichever agency you call is required to share the information with the others.)

And ask your local department of motor vehicles or another government-ID–issuing agency to flag your file so that if anyone else tries to get a replacement license or ID in your name (after you have), the agency will know it is fraud. Finally — since even items that may seem unimportant, like a gym or work ID, can be used for identity theft — notify all the organizations you’re connected with and tell them you lost your cards Copyright © 2008 Time Inc. All rights reserved.

(Travel + Leisure) — How can you prepare for next trip? Here, Travel + Leisure offers its checklist of eight simple — yet easily forgotten — steps to take before departure.

Taking pictures of the contents of your luggage will serve as documentation if your bag is lost or stolen.

ONE WEEK BEFORE TAKEOFF

Freshen up your suitcases
Air out your bags before you pack. And next time you put luggage away, leave lavender sachets by L’Occitane en Provence in the pockets.

Stock up on storage bags for small items
Our favorites: Stephanie Johnson designs stylish Dopp kits with protective plastic interiors; a nylon-lined cotton sack by Zazendi is well suited for wet swim gear; and the drawstring laundry bag by Flight 001 is treated with polyurethane, which keeps odors under wraps.

THREE DAYS BEFORE TAKEOFF

Get your gadgets in order
Empty memory cards and charge your phone and camera. Consolidate power cords, chargers, and extra batteries in your carry-on (new DOT regulations prohibit putting them in checked luggage). Pick up the Tumi Electronics Charger Kit, with adapters that work in 150 countries.

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Refill necessary prescriptions
Bring medications with you on the plane; make sure they are properly labeled according to TSA requirements.

Copy important documents
Carry paper duplicates of your passport, visa, and itinerary, and e-mail yourself electronic copies. With a password-protected itinerary on Google Docs, close friends and family can keep track of where you are.

Pare down your travel wallet
Only bring essential documents: driver’s license, medical insurance cards, passport, and credit cards. (T+L Tip: Alert your bank and credit card companies before you depart, so that they won’t be alarmed by out-of-town charges and ATM withdrawals.)

ONE DAY BEFORE TAKEOFF

Record the contents of your suitcase
Take pictures of your clothes, shoes, and jewelry, which will serve as documentation if your bag is lost or stolen. Download the shots onto your home computer, just in case.

E-mail to a friend

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Planning a beach getaway this summer? Don’t miss Travel + Leisure’s guide to Great American Beaches

Copyright 2008 American Express Publishing Corporation. All rights reserved.

Pushy Relatives?

Etiquette expert Peggy Post gives advice on handling your trickiest wedding dilemmas.

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Q. My cousin can be a bit, well, pushy. During the bouquet toss at my brother’s reception, she actually grabbed the flowers out of the hands of the woman who caught them! Now I am worried about a replay at my wedding. Do you have any advice?

A. It sounds as if this particular relative likes to be the life of the party, and during a lighthearted ritual like the bouquet toss, that’s not such a bad thing. Since you can’t control her antics or actions, I suggest you try your best to ignore them and let her have her fun. Keep things in perspective: As long as she’s not offending people, you need not worry. If you’re really concerned, you might choose to skip the toss altogether. After all, it’s not a required activity.

VIDEO

By Diane Mapes

(LifeWire) – Mary McPhail, a 47-year-old online retailer from Bexley, Ohio, will never forget her wedding to husband and business partner Geord Douglas 23 years ago in Miami.

“We had our rehearsal dinner at the restaurant where my husband and I met, and as a surprise gift, they gave us this big, beautiful tray of stone crabs,” says McPhail.

“The next day, I had a very upset stomach but just attributed it to nerves.”

It wasn’t nerves. It was the shellfish. As the hour-long ceremony wore on, McPhail grew dizzy and eventually had to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep from throwing up all over the altar. Recognizing her predicament, the priest hastily pronounced the couple husband and wife and shoved them down the aisle.

“We got to the back of the church and I just lost it all over my gown,” says McPhail. “It was a really small wedding, and everybody knew. I was mortified, but it was the highlight of everyone’s day.”

Even the most meticulously planned wedding can devolve into a nuptial nightmare, plagued by freak thunderstorms, fainting bridesmaids or collapsing cakes. But while a botched ceremony is every couple’s nightmare, it’s the weddings that go south that most people remember — and love to retell. Watch tips on wedding invitations »

A day that will live in infamy

A good friend’s wedding gone bad was the inspiration for Samantha Schoech’s “Tied in Knots,” an anthology of funny wedding-day stories that she co-edited with Lisa Taggart.

For starters, it was the coldest April in Las Vegas in recorded history, says the 38-year-old editor from San Francisco. “Then, the justice of the peace didn’t recognize the bride because she was wearing a red dress instead of the traditional white.”

It got worse. “At the reception, the brother of the bride was standing too close to a heater and caught his suit on fire. Then the electricity went out, and the septic tank overflowed onto the lawn,” Schoech says. “That wedding was just one disaster after another, but it was one of the most fun weddings I’d ever been to.”

Why me?

Of course, disasters aren’t quite so hilarious when they’re happening to you.

Bebe Emerman, a 58-year-old retired TV journalist from Pasadena, California, experienced multiple mishaps when she and husband Steve Wolfe, 59, an assistant U.S. attorney, were married in Yosemite National Park 13 years ago.

First, there was a huge rainstorm, which literally blew away their plans for an outdoor ceremony. Then a road washout forced guests to drive an extra 140 miles to attend the ceremony, a wild squirrel nearly destroyed the cake and the wedding photographer was rushed to the hospital with a kidney stone.

“Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong,” she says. “I even dumped the back of my dress into the toilet. But in retrospect, everybody had a great time and my marriage has been pretty happy. It’s like that saying, the worse the wedding, the better the marriage.”

Expect the unexpected

How often does a wedding go south?

Rita Smircich, a wedding planner and wedding coach from Westport, Connecticut, with more than 50 weddings under her belt, says wedding mishaps can range from the caterer failing to show to a bridesmaid fainting and hitting her head during the ceremony.

“With every wedding, there’s a risk that something’s going to go wrong — the cake will fall down, the boutonnieres won’t arrive,” she says. “I tell my brides to try to keep things in perspective and try and remember the main objective.”

George James, a marriage and family therapist with the Council for Relationships, a non-profit counseling, education and research center in Philadelphia, seconds that emotion.

“Most people try to control every aspect of their wedding, but when things go south you can’t control it,” he says. “The only thing you can work on is your reaction to the situation. You might be disappointed at the time, but the unexpected does happen, just like in a marriage. You want to be able to look back and laugh.”

Laughter — and insurance — the best medicine

Having a sense of humor is especially important in a day and age when even bloopers you thought were private can end up being viewed by hundreds of thousands of strangers on YouTube. But while there’s no insurance against common snafus like fainting bridegrooms, sobbing ring bearers or bridal bouquet brouhahas, couples can get protection from freak storms, fly-by-night vendors and other nuptial nightmares by purchasing wedding insurance.

One company, WedSafe.com, offers coverage on everything from damaged gifts to destroyed wedding gowns to canceled ceremonies due to injury, illness or natural disaster. Premiums range from $185 to $405 for coverage of up to $50,000. Want to cover all your bets? The wedding insurance offered through the National Alliance of Special Event Planners even covers cold feet. Premiums start at $170.

Keep it simple

Future brides and grooms may also want to remember that the more bells and whistles they dream up for their wedding, the more chance there is for trouble, says Samantha Schoech.

“Weddings have gotten bigger and grander these days and I think that leaves you open for more disasters,” she says. “If you want white doves to fly over you right as they’re saying ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife,’ you’re asking to get pooped on.”

By Liane Yvkoff

(LifeWire) — The TV no longer sits on a moving box, but she’s still using filing cabinets as end tables. Desiree Jacobsen graduated from college years ago, so why does her apartment resemble a dorm room? It’s hard to save for the finer things when you’ve had to shell out money to be in five weddings in one year, three times as maid of honor.

Some maids of honor have gone deep into debt rather than disappoint a friend who expects a lot.

“I shop at the Salvation Army quite a bit to save money,” says Jacobsen, 26, a medical editor in Dallas.

Being a bride’s maid or matron of honor is a distinction many women cherish. But it doesn’t come cheap.

It can easily cost a woman $1,000 or more for the honor of standing beside the bride on her big day, according to TheKnot.com, the leading wedding Web site.

On top of the traditional expenses of wedding attire, transportation and chipping in for a gift from the bridesmaids, maids of honor can wind up hosting bridal showers, bachelorette parties and even the co-ed Jack and Jill party — often footing the bill entirely.

Expectations are reaching bridezilla proportions, a trend Anna Post, spokeswoman for the Emily Post Institute and great-great-granddaughter of the etiquette authority, attributes in part to the extensive coverage of celebrity weddings on television and in style magazines. Watch etiquette tips on attending wedding events »

Many bridesmaids are left torn between maintaining a friendship and breaking the bank.

Tough to say no

When Sarah de Maintenon, a 33-year-old real estate agent in Syracuse, New York, agreed to be her best friend’s maid of honor two years ago, the economy was good and houses were selling like hot cakes.

But the currently slow real-estate market means that money has become tight as the big day — scheduled for October — slowly approaches.

“I seriously just didn’t know. I thought it was just a bachelorette party,” says de Maintenon of the events she was expected to throw and attend. Her distress over the destination wedding sent her seeking advice online. The advice she received was simple, but effective: Talk to her friend and be honest about her situation.

“I contemplated telling her I couldn’t do it, but I couldn’t break her heart,” she says. “I was afraid it would cause an argument … I didn’t want to ruin her wedding day.”

Jacobsen hasn’t skipped a wedding, but she did once skip the pre-wedding bridal portrait, which she would have had to travel out of town to participate in, because she was short on money and vacation time.

“She was upset with me for a little while, but it quickly blew over because I started planning for her bachelorette party.” When feelings get hurt, Jacobsen says, she tries not to take it personally. “It’s usually because of the stress of the wedding.”

Etiquette rules vs. reality

Is all this necessary? Are brides asking too much of their friends?

Post says that contrary to popular belief, the bridal shower isn’t the maid of honor’s obligation. Traditionally, a close friend would throw a bridal shower for the bride, and sometimes that person is also the maid of honor. But expenses can be agreed upon in advance and shared by the entire wedding party. And though there may be multiple parties thrown for the happy couple, Post says, the maid of honor is not required to go.

“That’s not true,” claims Kim Bohnert, a 32-year-old teacher in San Francisco. She’s served nine stints as maid of honor and considers herself an expert bridesmaid.

She insists that the entire bridal party — especially the maid of honor — is expected to attend all parties and shell out for a gift each time.

“It definitely adds up,” says Melissa Bauer, spokesperson for TheKnot.com. Bauer ticks off some of the major expenses: about $300 for a dress, $50 to $200 for shoes, $40 to $60 for accessories, $50 for a shower gift and another $100 for a wedding gift. Then there are the parties.

“The big thing now is destination bachelorette parties,” Bauer says. “Some people might do it local, but regardless, you’re [often] footing the cost for the bride [to attend].” The cost of traveling to an out-of-town party can add several hundred dollars to the tab, Bauer notes — to say nothing of the cost of traveling to the wedding itself.

Going for broke

Whether popular wisdom requires such a commitment or not, there’s a very real limit to what women can afford.

Bohnert agreed to be her cousin’s maid of honor, even though she was maxed out on her credit cards, and the many expenses included a $500 Sae Young Vu dress. “I’m still in debt because of it,” she says.

Ma’ayan Geller, a part-time student and assistant physical therapist in San Francisco, was glad to hear her friend wanted to be sensitive to the financial constraints of her wedding party. But when Geller, one of the bridesmaids, suggested a cheap Las Vegas package for the bachelorette party, the bride gave her the boot, saying she wasn’t being serious enough about her commitment to the wedding.

“I had already bought the dress — close to $300 — which was a lot for me at the time,” Geller, 23, remembers. “I think it could have been done in a better way.”

Geller still attended the wedding, partially because all her friends were there and also because she wanted to support the bride, “although the friendship kind of ended after that.”

Making it work

In Post’s experience, a wedding is a collaboration, and the wedding party often tries to find a solution that works for everyone. “When something difficult arises, I’ve seen brides put on the brakes rather than force something on someone,” she says.

Jeri Kadison, a bridal coach in New York, says communication is key: Detail expectations early, and if something sounds too expensive, compromise and brainstorm other ideas, she advises.

“It’s the bride’s responsibility to be compassionate and considerate,” she says.

That strategy worked for de Maintenon. She and her bride talk almost every day. Instead of renting a restaurant, they’re having a barbeque. Instead of renting a beach house, they’re all staying with a girlfriend.

It’s also OK to say no, Post says. “You can decline. Just do it early.”

De Maintenon recently declined when one of her best friends asked her to be the maid of honor, and her friend wasn’t upset.

“She knows that I’ll do anything else to help out in any way.”

By Jen Haley

(CNN) — Michelle Cottle, 38, of Westchester, New York, always dreamed of an elegant wedding.

Michelle Cottle and Jason Cohen held their wedding on a Saturday afternoon at a local mansion.

“I envisioned a large wedding, 200 guests… a big band sound, with the trumpets and a singer…the Frank Sinatra thing,” she says.

But then Michelle pauses and laughs. “And then I started to find out how much that would cost.”

Michelle and her fiancé, Jason Cohen, quickly realized that they had to make a choice: a down payment on a house or a dream wedding. For them, it was a no-brainer. The couple decided to keep their wedding budget to around $20,000. Watch how to cut costs »

That’s no easy feat, especially considering the cost of a wedding in the New York City area is about $46,000 according to a survey by The Knot Wedding Network. More broadly, the cost of an average wedding — not including the honeymoon — is about $28,000.

But you can walk down the aisle without declaring bankruptcy. To rein in your bridal budget, consider your timing.

Instead of having a Saturday night wedding, Michelle and Jason opted for a Saturday afternoon barbeque at a local mansion.

There were red bandana napkins and burlap tablecloths. Guests ate pulled duck, barbeque chicken, hot dogs, crab cakes, baked beans and corn bread. The highlight of the evening: the ice cream sundae bar.

“I didn’t want the wedding factory,” says Michelle. “We wanted personal feelings and elegance without it costing too much.”

Target where to save, where to splurge

You can save around 20 percent a person if you choose a Friday night, a Saturday afternoon or a Sunday wedding according to Divine Events Catering in Atlanta.

The most expensive part of a wedding is the reception. It’s at least a third of your budget according to Michelle Preli, editor in chief of Brides.com, a bridal resource Web site. It’s all about your priorities.

One of the biggest mistakes couples make in planning a wedding is not having a clear vision of their budget. That’s the best way to prioritize what you’ll spend money on, and where you can trim costs. There are options in every category, whether its invitations or flowers, says Preli. Spend less money and attention on things that aren’t very important to you.

Michelle and Jason knew exactly where they would loosen the purse strings: photography. “That was one area we didn’t want to scrimp on,” says Michelle.

To make sure you’re staying within your budget, check out the budget advisor at www.brides.com. You’ll get an itemized breakdown of expenses for your wedding. And that will help you prioritize what’s most important.

If you want the wedding to be more about dancing and energy, and not so much about sitting down and having a great meal, put more money toward the cocktail reception says Daniel Briones, president of the National Association of Catering Executives, a catering association. You don’t need a four-course meal he says. You can get rid of the appetizer or just have a salad.

Alcohol is another wallet-drainer. But you can keep costs under control by offering a limited bar with beer and wine says Christa Vagnozzi, senior editor of theWeddingchannel.com. In addition to beer and wine, you can also serve a signature cocktail she says.

And skip the champagne toast says Briones.

“Most of your guests will already have a glass of wine in front of them,” he says. If you have a wedding with 200 guests and you’re serving a $50 bottle of champagne, you would save $2,000 right off the bat.

Rent the showy cake

A wedding cake can also cause sticker shock. On average, a cake costs about $700 according to The Knot survey. But you can cut this price in half without your guests even knowing.

Rent-a-Cake in Atlanta will rent you a tiered Styrofoam cake with icing on the outside, so it looks like the real thing. It’ll cost you about $145 to rent the cake including set-up. There’s a secret compartment in the back of the cake where you can hide a slice of angel food cake so guests think you’re cutting into the real thing. Then you serve your guests a less expensive sheet cake that’s hidden in the kitchen.

Check out other online cake rentals like cake.rental.com. But if staying local is what you want to do, ask your baker to create a fake layer or two in your cake.

And while it may seem insignificant, flowers alone can eat up 8 percent of your budget according to The Knot. To stay within your budget, stick with flowers that are in season and make sure you tell your florist what you can spend. It’s not like you’re going into a store and picking something off a shelf, says Preli. You’re creating a relationship with a vendor.

That strategy worked for Michelle, who settled on Gerber Daisies for her wedding.

“When I went to the florist I said, ‘look we’re not mansion dwellers, we’re apartment dwellers,’” says Michelle. “The florist really worked with me and steered me to less expensive flowers that were still elegant.”

You may also consider getting your flowers from the wholesale market. Ask for recommendations from other brides on virtual message boards at www.brides.com or www.theweddingchannel.com. And do your homework. Check out the company with the Better Business Bureau and ask a lot of questions. You don’t want to be unhappy when these flowers show up at your door says Vagnozzi.

On sale or for rent

Most brides dream about that perfect wedding gown. In fact, one in five brides say finding the perfect dress is the top priority, according to a survey by Conde Nast Bridal Media.

And you can find bargains if you know where to look. Save money at sample sales. Most sales take place in April/May for fall and winter dresses and October/November for spring and summer dresses, according to The Knot. Even department stores have discounted wedding dresses. Michelle got her dress at a 70 percent off sale at Filene’s Basement.

“I had to commit to the dress early and it needed about $200 worth of work and $150 cleaning, but it was beautiful,” she says.

And make sure you look at Web sites like eBay, www.PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com or www.WoreItOnce.com for gently used wedding dresses. If you want a designer handbag or jewelry for your big day, consider renting them at www.bagborroworsteal.com.

Even getting the word out about your wedding can be expensive. Cut costs on your invitations by leaving out all the extras like engraving or decorative linings. Decrease the number of enclosures you have. You can ask guests to e-mail you their replies. Check out online invitation outlets or create your own invites. Your local arts and crafts store will likely have a selection to choose from.

And although it took Michelle an entire year of planning, negotiating and tailoring her wedding dream, she says it was worth it. Despite the fact the couple came in at their budget, Michelle realized that all her work was worth something even more valuable.

“It helped me mature as a woman to come from the idea I had as a girl and as a young woman…to grow that idea up and accept certain limitations and embrace what WAS possible,” she says.

The guests at her wedding said it was the best wedding they had ever been to. “They said it had a lot of us in it,” Michelle says.

“At the end of the day, the thing that matters the most is that ‘I do moment,’” says Preli. “That’s what your guests will remember. That’s what you can’t pay for.”

All About Weddings • Celebrity Weddings

Dress-This is one piece of clothing you want to be as comfortable as possible. It needs to go from stunningly elegant at the ceremony to out-of-contol on the dance floor.

Shoes- Rule of thumb is heals no higher the 1 1/2 inches and do not break the bank on this. No one sees them anyway!

Veil- Rule of thumb- the more elaborate the dress, the simplier the veil. The more elaborate the veil, the less ornate you will want the dress to be. They should never be in competition with each other for “Best Dressed”.

Garter belt with Stockings- Make sure the set you bought fits and is comfortable BEFORE the wedding day. Always put your hose through the wash at least once to reduce the risk of runs.

Lingerie- Belongs in the bedroom and not at the reception. Save something for just the groom

By Maureen Salamon

(LifeWire) – The whispers and pointing started as soon as Sara Price reached her assigned table at her friend’s wedding reception in Houston last January. Did she have raccoon eyes from crying during the ceremony? Mismatched shoes? A giant stain on her blouse?

Single women guests at weddings can feel uncomfortable if questioned about the state of their romantic life.

Apparently it was much worse: The Dallas woman had the audacity to come to the wedding … single. Price became the object of stares and sympathy as the only unattached person at her table.

“I tried to play it off — I wasn’t going to have a fit,” says the 23-year-old marketing coordinator. “They became very protective of me, but then it was almost worse because it felt like they were pitying me.”

With the most recent U.S. census data counting nearly 90 million unmarried Americans — a whopping 41 percent of all adults — Price is in good company. But woe to the singles who show up at the stream of summertime nuptials that constitute wedding season. From nosy questions about their marital status to tedious rituals like the bouquet toss, they get nearly as much attention as the bride and groom — except much of it is unwanted.

“The whole emphasis in this culture is that it’s a sin to be single. It’s crazy,” says Linnda Durre, Ph.D., an Orlando, Florida-based psychotherapist who counsels many singles. At weddings, unattached guests are “afraid people will think they’re a loser and that they can’t find a date,” Durre says. “It’s so foolish.”

Managing the merger mania

Valid or not, the stress is sometimes enough to unhinge the uncoupled. As Doree Lewak watched many of her friends head to the altar, she felt so much pressure to follow suit that she started unintentionally sabotaging her romantic relationships.

“I really drove one relationship into the ground because I panicked so much,” says Lewak, a 28-year-old freelance writer from New York City. “The guy almost had no choice but to run because I didn’t make the relationship about us — I made it about getting married and put it on an artificial timeline.”

Lewak learned so much from the process that she decided to pen the book “The Panic Years” — which evidently start after 25 — advising readers how to change their relationship strategy from petrified to proactive. “When you face so much pressure about getting married,” she says, “it really chips away at your psyche.”

Katie Judd is dealing with a double emotional wallop. The 26-year-old Bostonian recently broke up with her boyfriend and is helping plan her sister’s October wedding. It’s her younger sister, by the way — not a small point when the pressure to pair becomes palpable.

Judd, an account executive in digital media relations, is bracing herself for rude or withering comments at her sister’s celebration, where she will serve as maid of honor.

“I think it would be … awful to hear something like, ‘It will happen for you someday,’ because it will sound supportive, but it’s really not,” Judd says.

Even those who attend weddings with significant others are not immune to snarky, intrusive questions about their relationship status. Zac Rantz of Nixa, Missouri, has gone to quite a few ceremonies with his girlfriend of eight months only to find that other guests think “just dating” isn’t quite good enough.

“Everyone else can think we’re the perfect couple, and we can agree, but that doesn’t mean we’re ready to get married,” says Rantz, 28, a school district public information officer. “These questions can be awkward, because it’s between the two of us and not everyone else.”

Aside from avoiding annoying queries and dodging the dreaded bouquet toss — “I sneak out before that,” says Price — how can singles keep their dignity at weddings and have fun in the process? The most effective tactic may be to get out of their own heads, says Clay Cockrell, a Manhattan-based therapist who counsels many singles.

“All eyes are on the bride,” says Cockrell, 38. “While you may feel uncomfortable about being single, it’s really not about you. Realizing that you are not the focus of attention can reduce anxiety.”

As for the happy couple, Cockrell offers several tips to help them show more sensitivity to their single guests at the reception:

• Plan a fun table. Scattering your single friends throughout the room isolates them and can place them in awkward situations. Avoid this by putting them all together.

• Don’t ban the Chicken Dance. You may hate group dances such as the Macarena and the Electric Slide, but remember that singles like to dance, too, and making them watch countless slow dances between couples can be excruciating.

• Empathize. Try to remember what it was like to go to weddings when you were single. If you toss the bouquet, refrain from yelling out singles’ names or dragging them to the floor.

• Keep in mind that wedded bliss is great … for you: Baltimore wedding planner Linnyette Richardson-Hall, 47 and divorced, has had many a client try to fix her up at their nuptials during her 16 years in the business. “A lot of times when you’re happy like that, you want everyone on that train,” she says. “But I think I’ll stay at the station.”

It’s normal to have some feelings of guilt as you are planning your wedding-guilty because you’re not inviting your best friend from the 3rd grade or because you father is footing the bill, or because you aren’t including your girlfriends as much as they’d like. Managing other people’s expectations can be a job in and of itself, so it’s your turn to make guilt a useless emotion. In the process of being a diplomat, make sure you don’t bottle up your frustrations. Talk things through with you affianced to find the best way to handle each of the imposing situations. remember to reflect back on your own priorities for the wedding, then make compromises only if necessary to respect friends’ and families’ needs.

www.chroniclebooks.com

When you are in the final days of preparation before the big day, make sure to take some time to sit back and laugh. Rent a movie, read a laugh-out-loud book or watch some TV. Nothing is funnier than the old TV shows that were so popular from the 60/70/80″s on TV Land. (Watch a few “Leave it to Beaver”s or “The Andy Williams show”s to see what married life used to be like!)

Wedding related or not, search the Internet Movie Database at www.imdb.com to choose an old favorite or new thriller. Then make tons of popcorn and tune out the “World of Wedding” for a few hours. All the details that needto be finalized will still be there when you get back!